And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wear drunk well.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
