Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
