I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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