I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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