I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
