I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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