Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Houston, we have a blender
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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