I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
