He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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