I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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