my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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