I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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