you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
