I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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