New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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