trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
