ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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