just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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