I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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