1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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