he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
