i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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