So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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