you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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