i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
