can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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