Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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