operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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