the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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