She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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