Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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