So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
