Michael Bay diarrhea
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
