on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we're making bets on your personal life
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
