I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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