She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
being pregnant is like rehab
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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