I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
