I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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