The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
love makes seman taste better
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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