We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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