Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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