Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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