She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
