He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
