im drinking this country out of the recession.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
