Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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