the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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