using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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