This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
