You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
