dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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