I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
