How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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