Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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