Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
