dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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