I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
