my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
