You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I cut my penus on the lid.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
