Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
