that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
