Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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