I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
