Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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