i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
