does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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