You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
