So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
