Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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